Keeping the “CHRIST!” In Christmas.

I’m the blond kid on the right. Although really, I could just say “I’m the blond kid,” and not bother specifying where you need to look to find me, since I was the only fair-skinned blond at this family gathering. This is because I’m adopted. Yes, Child Welfare thought this would be an improvement:

At family functions you could see my grandmother looking around, calculating the ratio of convicted felons to college graduates, and shaking her head. “I’m the matriarch of this?

Damned straight, Grandma. Suck it up.