From the depths of my patriotic soul, I say this to you now:
Christ, is there ANYONE in this country who can sing the national anthem? I don’t mean “KISS MY ASS MARIAH CAREY” vocal pyrotechnics like Mariah Carey shot your dog and fuck her now because from here on your sole purpose in life is to show up that dog-shooting bitch everywhere you go. I mean is there anyone in this country who can just SING THE DAMNED SONG?! If you’re not already a professional singer, kicking off a goddamned Met game is not going to be your big break. You’re not gonna get to duet on the Grammys with Justin Beeberlake and D-Jism or whoever the fuck you consider an “icon” because of your “stirring rendition” of the national anthem in which you hit every note within the range of human hearing just on the word “brave,” okay?
JUST SING THE GODDAMN SONG AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN.