Some of us, we have tattoos.

In the last episode of So Many Feebs (prior to the lovely Fresh Pressing – I greatly enjoyed being pressed and am feeling refreshingly flat now; I’m also feeling oddly liked, which only feeds the neediness, so I’d caution my new readers to be careful with that because I can be pretty poorly adjusted on my best day) –

Ah, whoops, let me reel that back in. Don’t worry, new readers, I’m not needy or poorly adjusted. I’m not! Please don’t leave!

Okay, that got weird. I’ll try it again.

In the last full (pre-Press) episode of So Many Feebs, I mentioned that I was going to Nashville to get my tattoo finished. That was the second time I wrote about my tattoos, and I didn’t give any thought to whether anyone reading might be considering ink of his/her own.

To rectify my rudeness, I’d like to talk to you about the most important thing you must consider when deciding on a tattoo: meaning. If you’ve seen LA Ink or any other tattoo reality shows, you know that tattoos must always express something deeply meaningful. My ink is no exception. For example, this is in honor of my late grandmother:

20130725-215835.jpg

Why this particular tattoo? Because Grandma was a small primate from Borneo. I can still remember her sitting on the porch, lovingly secreting toxins from her armpits –

Okay, no. Look, if I wanted a tattoo that had deep meaning — that truly said who I really am — I’d get a tattoo on one forearm that says “FUCK ALL THESE BASTARDS.” On the other forearm, I’d get “WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE? THIS IS THE INTERSTATE, NOT YOUR FARM, YOU MORON! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO RUN OVER ANY OF DADDY’S FUCKING CHICKENS! SPEED UP, YOU SCHMUCK!” (Okay, maybe that one would be a full sleeve.)

Anyway. Depending on the situation, all I’d have to do is raise my arm, and ta-da! Instant self-expression! This is me, bitchez!

Of course, then I’d have to find room to tattoo all of the information I’ll need to provide at the police precinct and/or unemployment office. So never mind.

But hey, a girl can dream.

In conclusion, my advice to anyone thinking of getting a tattoo is this: stop watching reality shows.

Actually, that’s my advice to everyone else, too.

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10 thoughts on “Some of us, we have tattoos.

  1. I always ask why I have certain tattoos. I’m pretty heavily tattooed…and in all honestly most of my tattoos do not have a deep meaning..some do..I have some that are for other people; people that have made a difference…but HOLD YOUR HEAD…most of my tattoos are on me because…wait for it…I LIKE THEM!! I know gasp gasp right?!
    Some of us just like tattoos..some of us want more..its like a crack addict seeking their next high..GIMMIE INK! heehee
    Oh and P.S. I like the story about granny having awesome armpit leakage!

    • Ha! What’s great is that the slow loris actually secretes toxins that way, as a defense — he then licks it off his fur, and bites whoever is threatening him. So if you ever find yourself in Southeast Asia and you come across a slow loris lifting up his arms, he’s not asking you to pick him up. RUN.

      Run even faster if you ever come across my grandmother licking her own armpits and then trying to bite. Because that shit would just be too weird. 🙂

  2. Thank you for this! I am over people telling me that I need to get a tattoo that has significant meaning or reminding me “it’s forever”, “really, what, no? I had no fucking idea”.
    My first tattoo is a very generic family tattoo and since getting it – whilst I don’t regret it – I have decided that the next tattoo I get is going to have no meaning, and when people ask what it means I am going to say “nothing”. My friend got a triangle tattoo’d on her because she likes triangles, I want that sort of courage haha!

    • Triangles? It never occurred to me to form an opinion one way or another about geometric shapes — that’s pretty cool. 🙂

      And yeah, rather than going for meaning, I’d recommend just finding a really good artist — that way you know you’ll always like looking at it.

    • Wow! I’d like to thank the Academy, my parents who taught me all the profanity I know, and most of all, my husband — his working second shift left me with not a lot to do in the evening, or I wouldn’t be here on the Internet today. 🙂

      In all seriousness — I’m really glad you like the blog.

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