You really otter take care of that.

Get it? “Otter take care of that,” “ought to take care…” Ha ha! Hey, whaddaya expect for free? Although to be honest, I doubt paying me would make it any better. Also, is it possible to digress if you haven’t actually started yet?

This is my left arm. Yes, it’s tattooed, and yes, it’s wrapped like a ham.

I have to keep it like this for three days, which means through Memorial Day weekend and my first day back at work on Tuesday.

Of course I’ve been asked about it. “Why is there plastic wrap around your arm?”

“Keeping it fresh.”


“So I can make sandwiches during the week.”


“Well, it would be a waste to throw out all this meat.”

I got the tattoo from Kelly Doty at Ink & Dagger Tattoo in Decatur, Georgia. She’s a custom artist, an award winner here and in the UK (and maybe elsewhere — wouldn’t surprise me in the least) for her color work, and the best part is she’s less than an hour away from me. Proximity rocks!

During my consultation with her last week, I said I wanted an otter using a tool to open a shellfish; which tool, the colors, and every other detail I left entirely up to her, because she gets awards lobbed at her every 20 minutes for this and I do not. I went back yesterday for the tattoo, she showed me her sketch to get my input, and I wanted to lob an award at her. Gently. And only after giving her plenty of advance notice so she could prepare to catch it, rather than unexpectedly, where there’d be a risk of injury because she wasn’t prepared for an award to come flying at her. Aside from the fact that it’s just wrong to go chucking stuff at people, it’s also no way to treat someone who’s put all this work into — wait, I’m digressing again, aren’t I? (Assuming that first one was even a digression to begin with).

Anyway, I loved the drawing. And now Ralph the Otter is on my left arm.


The thing is that this otter is, in fact, a cute, cuddly, giant open wound. Which means it has to heal. Which means there’s an aftercare process I have to follow. This is why my left arm now looks like leftovers in Jeffrey Dahmer’s fridge.

I can stop wrapping it on Tuesday night; after that comes The Itch. I’m sure I’ll be posting about that, because it’ll probably be all I can think about — that, and how desperately I’ll be wishing for the sweet kiss of the Reaper.

And yes, it’s completely worth it.

(By the way: if you should decide that you, too, want a tattoo of an otter operating a jackhammer, please don’t use this image. Copying someone else’s custom work is frowned upon by reputable tattoo artists. Actually, ask your artist if he or she will copy it — if the answer is “yes,” run away.)


14 thoughts on “You really otter take care of that.

    • Thanks — or at least, thanks on Kelly Doty’s behalf. She drew the otter and did all the work. All I had to do was sit there for a few hours.

      And thanks so much for reading!

    • Oh hell, yeah. (I just read your post on reproductive rights in AR. Didn’t click “Like” on it right away because I was too busy applauding.)


  1. Pingback: Some puns have a certain appeal | So Many Feebs.

  2. “looks like leftovers in Jeffrey Dahmer’s fridge” hahah, I probably shouldn’t laugh at that… How’d you find the itch stage? I woke numerous times thinking I had rubbed the whole tattoo off, a good 48 hours of paranoia and scratching with an open palm – not effective at all.

    P.s that’s one awesome looking otter

    • Thanks! She’s one of the only artists whose work I’ve seen where I never came across anything I didn’t like — even if it was a tattoo I wouldn’t personally get, there was no denying it was extremely well done.

      And thanks for reading! I would have replied sooner, but I’ve been too busy slapping my arm. Aaaarrggghhhh, make it stop, make it stop, AAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH, etc. (As you already know.)

      • I live in a relatively small town lacking of great, all round tattoo artists (other states pinch em) but there’s one whose work is undoubtedly brilliant! Always good to find an artist like that to tattoo you!

        Hahaha that is absolutely fine, slap away, do anything to take your mind off that urge to scratch – I can’t pass on any tips, I failed miserably!

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