Bored? Well then, imagine, if you will: a prairie. It’s a chilly, grey spring morning. A light rain is falling. Resting on a particularly flat and featureless patch of prairie ground is a sheet of drywall, freshly painted. You’re standing on that prairie, in the rain, holding an umbrella over the freshly painted drywall, so the rain doesn’t fall on it and the paint can dry. You can’t leave until it’s dry. So you watch it. And the paint is beige.
Welcome to my world.
Some background: I once spent hours researching the best canned food for my cats. Yes, hours. And yes, cats. Plural. That’s how much of a life I don’t have – but even I don’t spend any time at all thinking about the kind of things the woman at the next desk feels warrant entire morning-long conversations. She’ll tell you all about her laundry if she thinks you’re within earshot – and she doesn’t ever exactly stop. There’s the occasional lull, sure, but I’d swear that’s only because she paces herself so she can bore all day.
If you’ve ever been in a bar and seen an argument break out, you know the feeling I get when I hear her start talking to someone. You slink off to a corner, hoping you don’t get roped into it, and eventually it peters out; but just when you think it’s over and you start to relax — CRASH! — she shatters a great big mug of dull against the side of your head and ramps it right back up again.
That, in a nutshell, is what finally pushed me to start this blog. Because why should she be the only one who gets to bore people?
I won’t be posting about my co-worker, or canned cat food. I’m not yet sure what I’ll be writing about – probably just things that piss me off. Because I don’t wallow in negativity so much as revel in it.
So, hello. Come in, sit anywhere you like – it’s not like there are a whole lot of people here. This might even be fun, if you like this sort of thing. Really, though, any sort of thing one likes is fun by definition, so I haven’t exactly set a very high standard for myself. But I do plan on not exceeding it, so there’s that.
And maybe there’ll even be days when I won’t be quite so negative – (climbs up on horse, paces in front of soldiers preparing for battle, shouts at them) – but not this day!
(Climbs back down from horse, because fuck that.)