Well, hello.

Bored?  Well then, imagine, if you will:  a prairie.  It’s a chilly, grey spring morning.  A light rain is falling.  Resting on a particularly flat and featureless patch of prairie ground is a sheet of drywall, freshly painted.  You’re standing on that prairie, in the rain, holding an umbrella over the freshly painted drywall, so the rain doesn’t fall on it and the paint can dry.  You can’t leave until it’s dry.  So you watch it.  And the paint is beige.

Welcome to my world.

Some background:  I once spent hours researching the best canned food for my cats.  Yes, hours.  And yes, cats.  Plural.  That’s how much of a life I don’t have – but even I don’t spend any time at all thinking about the kind of things the woman at the next desk feels warrant entire morning-long conversations.  She’ll tell you all about her laundry if she thinks you’re within earshot – and she doesn’t ever exactly stop.  There’s the occasional lull, sure, but I’d swear that’s only because she paces herself so she can bore all day.

If you’ve ever been in a bar and seen an argument break out, you know the feeling I get when I hear her start talking to someone.  You slink off to a corner, hoping you don’t get roped into it, and eventually it peters out; but just when you think it’s over and you start to relax — CRASH! — she shatters a great big mug of dull against the side of your head and ramps it right back up again.

That, in a nutshell, is what finally pushed me to start this blog.  Because why should she be the only one who gets to bore people?

I won’t be posting about my co-worker, or canned cat food.  I’m not yet sure what I’ll be writing about – probably just things that piss me off.  Because I don’t wallow in negativity so much as revel in it.

So, hello.  Come in, sit anywhere you like – it’s not like there are a whole lot of people here.  This might even be fun, if you like this sort of thing.  Really, though, any sort of thing one likes is fun by definition, so I haven’t exactly set a very high standard for myself.  But I do plan on not exceeding it, so there’s that.

And maybe there’ll even be days when I won’t be quite so negative – (climbs up on horse, paces in front of soldiers preparing for battle, shouts at them) – but not this day!

(Climbs back down from horse, because fuck that.)

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6 thoughts on “Well, hello.

  1. “CRASH! – she shatters a great big mug of dull against the side of your head…”

    OMFG, I had a co-worker like that, but laundry would have been a bright, happy HOLIDAY from hearing about her health issues. There was no other topic. Ever. I like to think of myself as empathetic, but within three months, I was like, “Just fucking DIE already!”

    • Sounds like you worked with my mother-in-law. (And, of course, there was no little bit of information too private.)

      Also, let me take a moment to activate the Capslock of the Unhinged: OH BOY! MY FIRST COMMENTER! I’m so grateful, I’m actually creeping myself out a little bit. (I had no idea I was this unhealthy.)

  2. Hey Karen!

    Sometimes I used to feel guilty about loathing one or more co-workers. I just seemed so mean to want them to die, especially when I didn’t really want to kill them. So sometimes I’d imagine them winning the damn lottery, getting a million bucks and not having to work anymore, thus leaving me the hell alone. It’s twisted but benign.

    I am on my aging little Lenovo ThinkPad, using Firefox, so just to report in: the site looks good except for the comments text is very hard to read. The text is black with a thin white shadow-outline (I forget what that effect is called), and it’s hard to read against the gray background. I should have prefaced this with the question: would you like feedback on the design?

    • I would love feedback on the design. Thanks so much! And I see what you mean about the comments. Knowing me, I’ll probably try different themes before I settle on one I like best — for now, though, I was just looking for something simple. But simple and legible would be a lot better.

      I once read a suggestion for how to handle a difficult coworker — give the person’s name to a headhunter. They get tempted with a better job somewhere else, and you don’t have to work with him/her anymore. Everybody wins.

  3. Congrats on your new blog! My boring co-worker isn’t high enough up the food chain, or talented enough, to merit the attention of a headhunter. Nor am I, so I guess I’m stuck.

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